You probably have one or two classmates that you usually talk to before lecture. You chat about things like last night's homework, or that exam coming up, or that weird thing you overheard the other day. You're friendly to them, but they aren't your "friend". Not a lot of thought is put into the conversations you make with other people, but with friends and family, words mean more and timing does too.
Though kairos is normally a term used to describe the timing in rhetorical situations like speeches, it actually can be applied to more than just essays or declarations. The importance of timing in a relationship can mean a lot - saying the right thing when a friend is upset, knowing when to break tension when people are fighting, sitting down to have a cup of tea when things aren't going right. In the case of friends - the only people besides for family who are close and precious to you - timing can save or break a relationship.
In my personal experience, a lot of time has been dedicated to making others feel better about themselves. I had one or two best friends come to me crying or upset, asking for advice, hoping that I'd say the right thing to make everything better. Knowing what to say in every situation is hard, because you're never prepared for it. It has to be made up on the spot, or the moment is gone. If you're too quiet for one second too long, they give up and say "never mind", then leave. And, each friend is different. Saying something to one friend doesn't have the same impact as saying it to a different friend.
It's hard to have good kairos since it's brief and difficult to recognize. There are certain people who always have bad timing and always say the wrong thing at the right time. There are also the very few people who always know the right thing to say. Kairos might be an inherent thing that people have, and it can't really be improved. Like most things, we react with gut feeling. If you feel like there's a moment where something needs to be said, just take it. You'd rather grab the moment then and there than let it slip away.
Picture Provided by flickr
Though kairos is normally a term used to describe the timing in rhetorical situations like speeches, it actually can be applied to more than just essays or declarations. The importance of timing in a relationship can mean a lot - saying the right thing when a friend is upset, knowing when to break tension when people are fighting, sitting down to have a cup of tea when things aren't going right. In the case of friends - the only people besides for family who are close and precious to you - timing can save or break a relationship.
In my personal experience, a lot of time has been dedicated to making others feel better about themselves. I had one or two best friends come to me crying or upset, asking for advice, hoping that I'd say the right thing to make everything better. Knowing what to say in every situation is hard, because you're never prepared for it. It has to be made up on the spot, or the moment is gone. If you're too quiet for one second too long, they give up and say "never mind", then leave. And, each friend is different. Saying something to one friend doesn't have the same impact as saying it to a different friend.
It's hard to have good kairos since it's brief and difficult to recognize. There are certain people who always have bad timing and always say the wrong thing at the right time. There are also the very few people who always know the right thing to say. Kairos might be an inherent thing that people have, and it can't really be improved. Like most things, we react with gut feeling. If you feel like there's a moment where something needs to be said, just take it. You'd rather grab the moment then and there than let it slip away.
Annabelle, I first want to say that I love the quote that you have from Flickr. I keep a collection of quotes that make me stop for a minute and just think, and I immediately recognized the quote on your post. Second, I think speaking about kairos with an emotional perspective guiding it is important. Often people assume rhetoric is manipulative, but your post humanizes the subject and illustrates why we have to understand when there is a situation that is different from the norm. I am glad you mentioned how sometimes friends come looking for help and you have to know what to say in the moment because they are vulnerable and need help.
ReplyDeleteExcellent connection to our daily lives. I'm sure we all have had that experience of not knowing what to say to a certain person at a certain time. Although I do believe that we can fine tune our senses, and with practice, be able to recognize certain rhetorical situations as we see them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that Kairos often goes unrecognized in our daily lives and it's often being used without us even knowing it. I like your use of examples such as consoling a friend that's in pain or speaking about the right things at the right time in a relationship. I think that recognizing our effective use of kairos in our daily lives can help us to be better people moving forward.
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